I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Shame is for Republicans.
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