ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
