so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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