I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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