Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize