i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
