i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
