dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
