you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
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