it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
