Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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