Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
