the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
