if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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