i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
