I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
the condom got lost in my hair
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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