1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
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