just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
