The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
