you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize