There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
