Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
