well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
why is half of my head shaved?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize