i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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