u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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