That's when you crack a 10am beer
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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