you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
