Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize