Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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