so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
