I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
so let's talk penis.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Terrible idea I love it
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
