I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
being pregnant is like rehab
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Randomize
