my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
