after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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