She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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