I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
