On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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