I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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