it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
