drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
