I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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