Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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