went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
