Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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