i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize