Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
