K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
