Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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