I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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