i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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