i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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