I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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