no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize