I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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