So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
