the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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