There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Do vagina's smell?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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