her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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