i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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