oh god the rape fog is back!
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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