Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize