i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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