I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
