im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
They took my balls.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
