So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
