I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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